My friends, I stand before you ready to lead you on to this field of battle, at this our Regional Cheerleading Competition. That we shall be victorious is unquestionable, for was I not chosen by God Himself for this purpose? Was I not ordained by Our Most Divine Lord to unite our warring factions into one team, holy and indivisible, and to lead you forth against our enemies? It is true, we have had our setbacks — our sprained ankles and torn ligaments, our dropped poms and wobbling stunts, our grade-of-execution point deductions. But we have persevered, even through the darkest of our suffering, and now the hour of our glory is at hand.
So let us go forth now, and trample our enemies into dust. Yea, we are sure to triumph even over the defending champions, the West Park Wolverines. Let us keep our tumbling passes clean, our extensions solid, and everything tight and sharp. For know, my friends, that I was chosen by God to lead you, united as one in divine purpose and in synchronized dance routines. So expel now any of your lingering doubts, and let us raise our hearts and voices in unison, that our enemies may hear and cower before us in fear:
Image Source / Public Domain