Dear Mr. Craven,
The Yorkshire Homeowners’ Association respects your desire to keep your back garden a “secret”, as you refer to it. Unfortunately, your rear yard is on a slope. Among a host of other issues, we can all see when you haven’t been pruning.
We’ve also had concerns regarding unsupervised children going there at all hours. Please be advised that this does not qualify as a registered landscaping service per HOA regulations. Also please notify said personnel, identified as Mary, Dickon and Colin, that the happy, carefree laughter of childhood is a violation of the community noise ordinance.
Please note that your “secret” garden’s other landscaper, one Ben Weatherstaff, is also not part of any HOA-contracted landscaping services, and uses a ladder for entry that is not OSHA-approved. He also does not appear to be familiar with the complete HOA Landscaping Rules. We acknowledge that your late wife, with her dying breath, entreated him to “look after my roses, Ben,” but she really ought to have clearly specified that they need to be trimmed to within 24 inches of the walls and borders to the walkway.
We’ve also had reports that the garden’s lush green carpet of grassy lawn, while emblematic of the restorative power of Nature and youth, is not being mowed weekly to the stipulated ½-inch length. Also, it is not drought-resistant. Consider replacing it with a more suitable cover, such as bark.
Moreover, the aforementioned roses and the hollyhocks, though they reportedly dance vibrantly in the bracing air of a Yorkshire spring morning, do not comply with the community’s approved color scheme. Consider perhaps a lovely border of scrub brush instead. Or maybe cacti.
Finally, please note that your frequent travels away from home could be construed as absentee ownership. If the sights and sounds of joyous childhood fail to recall you to your domestic responsibilities, perhaps a citation might. Should you fail to address the above issues in a timely manner, the HOA reserves the right to make any and all necessary alterations at the homeowner’s expense. We suggest you comply with all speed before we are obligated to present you a bill for having turned your late wife’s beloved flower garden into a community parking lot.
We look forward to hearing from you shortly.
The Yorkshire Homeowners’ Association
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